Monday, February 11, 2013

PAN DULCE

There was once a time when I was 6, with loose baby teeth and a messy ponytail (?). My mother wasn't too hairstyle-friendly or skilled.

But this one time in my life I befriended my next door neighbor, whose name was Stephanie. She was in a different class than I was, but we were in the same grade. We would carpool together, and our mothers would upkeep light conversation for us. I would ask her where she got those Mexican watermelon-shaped lollipops, those Vero Rebanaditas Paletas. And we would both make some homemade pan dulce. Other times, she would stop by for some awkward play time at my place with my messy-haired Ariel doll.


And one day, out of nowhere, she left a cartoon drawing of me on our welcome mat. On some wide-ruled paper, torn sloppily and half-assed from the spiral-bound notebook, was a marker and crayon duo manifestation of me. Me, with a monster face! W-with a tongue sticking out and fiery eyes and everything!


The bitch even had the nerve to take the time and effort to cut a neat rectangle paper out to attach to the bottom of the drawing, labeling my name on it. You know. Just in case I had trouble identifying the subject of the artwork, of course.


My mom found it first, actually. She took one look at it and sternly crumpled the paper up. By the time I had seen it, I was staring at my crumpled self from the eyes of a 6-year-old schoolmate. Jesus...I knew I should have held off on asking my mom to buy me those light pink cowgirl boots.


To be quite honest, I wasn't too mad. I was a bit confused because I was trying to figure out if that meant I wasn't going to get anymore pan dulce. But my family's move out to a different neighborhood, schools and schools away, had answered my question for me. I wasn't hurt. But I could never to this day figure out why she did that. I'd be lying if I told you that pan dulce tasted just as good after that time in my life.


That one time in my life.


We never know how we affect the world around us, and we probably never will.

4 comments:

  1. Kids usually don't make the most rational decisions and finding some reason to it would probably be impossible. Although, they do have a tendency to speak their minds so maybe you unknowingly offended her? Or maybe she likes to draw people as monsters and that was her way of showing that you were her friend(maybe not)? At least as an adult, there is a better chance you might know how you affect the world around you if you know where to look.

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    1. That wasn't necessarily the point of the post. The point was, whether conscious or unconscious, our actions affect others regardless. And they could have a larger impact than we originally intended. As an adult, yes, we can have a better chance of knowing how we can affect others. But it happens regardless of our age. And that is the thing - whether they "meant" to do something or not, there is a recipient on the other end who will either be affected or unaffected. That isn't something we can determine because we have no control over how others perceive us. Only what we put out there.

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  2. I'm not sure that I agree with the above. I actually was contacted by a girl I went to school with in HS about a month or so ago, she was a boarding student and I just barely remember her...anyway,, I used a voice recorder as my yearbook the year we went to school together, and when I asked her to say something she told me that she didn't know what to say; I apparently said that was kinda part of the point, to make people squirm a bit. Multiple years later, she contacted me via Facebook and said that's still one of her most petrifying moments and she sincerely hopes I never find the tape.

    I thought she might've been joking for a couple seconds, but the more she talked about it, the less I was sure.

    Never quite know the effect you'll have on people.

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    1. We are definitely on the same page. I understand what you mean, and I do see where George is coming from. But yes, I wrote this not stating that the child had any rationale to her decisions, which makes it even more so that to every action, there is a reaction regardless of our original intentions. Same for my old friend from elementary school referenced in this post. She probably just felt like doing it out of boredom, who knows? But I can remember it up to this day. And despite what we consider nothing, someone is always going to take it as something different. So yes, I do see where you're coming from and I agree with you.

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